Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
