if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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