She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
