When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
