oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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