if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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