And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
