he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
