If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
