yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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