so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
