I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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