How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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