He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
