my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
