So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my being single is dangerous.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
