If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
