Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
