the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
