i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
