1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
