So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
