We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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