Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
