Too much gin, very little bucket
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
