She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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