You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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