no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
