I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
