i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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