Whod you bang
return my video game
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
