how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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