Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
