I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize