i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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