ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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