Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
