i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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