Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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