Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
