I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Im part way to drunk.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
