I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
