Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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