guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
