who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
