Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
