just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
