I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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