I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
