We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
