His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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