The maid of honor just puked.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
