he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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