I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
