oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
