You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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