why didn't you poke me back
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
