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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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