Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
