Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
