i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
