dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
