T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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