Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
