tell your sister to shave her snatch
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
