I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
