Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
