Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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