somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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