I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How naked do you want me to be?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
