I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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