I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
