fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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